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10 Things Not to Sell at Garage Sales

August 18, 2013 4 comments

My Black Friday garage sale was not a success. Maybe because my 7AM door buster special was an actual busted door.

I am an expert at garage sales. Love finding that gem of a deal at prices as low as 99% off list. Recent example: Almost new baby swing chair for $10. Originally $100. SCORE!

But in my quest to find that treasure of a deal, I’ve come across a number of lame garage sales. Because of this, I present this list for Sellers:

  1. Don’t sell junk. Especially things that are broken. No one wants it, even the Salvation Army will laugh in your face and say, “We don’t want that crap”. Just trash it.
  2. If it’s tattered, don’t sell it. Applies to shirts, jackets, stuffed animals, blankets, etc. Does NOT apply to 18th century American flags.
  3. Underwear or lingerie. Enough said. Wait no, let me say more: Disgusting. Hell no. Think-again-Marketing-Genius.
  4. Board games with missing pieces. How can you play Monopoly without the top hat? Where is the card for Park Place? Where are the dice? Boo. Forced me to take down the pair of dice from my car rear-view mirror just so my kids could play the damn game.
  5. Overpriced items: You seriously think you can sell books because they are 50% off? Or a popcorn maker for $15 just because you paid $40? Hold on, let me call 911 because I’m about to die laughing.
  6. Used coffee mugs: Almost as bad as lingerie. Would someone really want to buy mugs with coffee stains on the inside and lipstick marks on the rim?  Sell it to blind people you say? Oh, that’s cold.
  7. Your collection of porn. Dude, families go to garage sales. I don’t want my kids rummaging through your back issues of Hot Librarians.
  8. McDonald’s Star Wars collectables: No one wants the movie tie-in toys you, an adult, collected by buying up all the Happy Meals. There’s a reason Happy Meals are for kids, Lord Vader.
  9. Half-used toiletries. Yes, I have seen open and used Head and Shoulder bottles being sold for $.50. Ratchets up the Eeeewwww factor.
  10. Your kid’s trophies. First, who wants a 2nd place regional Junior Ice Dancing trophy that has your kid’s name on it? Second, your kid won this and you’re selling it? And you wonder why she’s in therapy with Daddy issues? If you must throw it out, wait until she’s in college and then do it “by accident” when you were doing some “spring cleaning”.
  11. Old technology: Ladies respect an ambitious guy talking on a cell phone cutting a deal and looking busy. Ladies don’t respect a guy talking on a cell phone when it’s the size of a brick with a foot-long antennae sticking out of it. See Rule #1.

Number 11 was a bonus because after visiting garage sales all weekend, I’m in a giving mood.

Have a great weekend.

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